It looks like a beautiful day outside from the safety and comfort of my A/C, but I know how deceiving this Texas weather is. Everything about it is deceiving. Anyway, I'm going to work today, my boss, James, asked me to work a couple hours at his wife's store. I really hope my friend Anne is the manager tonight. That would be super dandy. Anyway, I had a pretty late night last night, I'm not even sure what all I was doing. I was probably on Youtube and on the phone and playing with my cat. I don't know. Perhaps you'd like to see a picture of my cat? yes, good. that will happen someday. but not soon, I don't think.
Besides playing with my cat and working, I spend a lot of time listening to music and falling in love with the artists as if I actually knew them. This is my secret pleasure, you see, falling in love with people who don't even know I exist. It's something that I do that I know is incredibly crass and unhealthy but I can't help it. Right now, as you can imagine I am listening to one of these very artists. The bands name is Sucre and the girl who sings is Stacy King, formerly Stacy DuPree a member of the band Eisley. This song is called The Cliff Waltz. One of the more amazing song titles that I've heard in a very long time. It's very soft against my ears and it warms my bare skin not entangled in my blanket. The day has so quickly gone from a beautiful December day in Texas to a frigid, wet night in January.
New years has come and gone just as quickly and in an equally unimpressive manner as all the days before and since. The same could be said for Christmas and Thanksgiving. My desire to share holiday's time with my family seems to be diminishing with age. I am constantly told that emotions have no place in anyone's life. I am seamlessly beginning to wish that I was very very far away from here. I see myself just disappearing from my family's life and being so very happy. I see my dad, in his office where I usually see him in a soft place, crying because I'm gone and reading the letter I've left him. What I've told him, he can't believe. He will not acknowledge what I've told him, even in the slightest and in my dreams this makes me happy that I've left him.
I've told him that it was his fault and that he could have, so easily, kept me in his life had he just listened to me when I told him he was wrong. I would hope that he would see his errors because now I'm gone and what else is there for him to try to hold on to if not his child? I don't think I'm making myself clear here but I can not think of how to say it any better.
